The Pleasure of Being Heard

Have you ever had someone listen to you with undivided attention?  If you’ve had that experience, you know how good it felt to tell your story.

 I had just that experience when I met with Linda Adams, the President and CEO of Gordon Training International.

I was 3000 miles away from the Gordon Training International headquarters when I first came in touch with Dr. Thomas Gordon’s communication model. After moving to La Jolla, CA and realizing that I’m only 20 minutes away, I just HAD to ask for Linda’s time to tell her how the Gordon communication model had changed my life – as it has done and will do for the thousands more who learn the communication skills embodied in the model.

I once asked ten colleagues in the field of interpersonal communication if they knew Thomas Gordon’s work.  Only two had.  I asked those same folks if they knew of Dr. Carl Rogers’ work.  They all answered in the affirmative.

I’m sorry that they have missed knowing of Gordon’s work, which is based on Carl Rogers’ client-centered psychotherapy methodology.  I hope, through this blog and my ongoing writing and training, to change that.

As Dr. Roger’s student, Tom Gordon contributed a chapter to a book that Dr. Rogers was writing, entitled Client-Centered Psychotherapy: Its Current Practice, Implications, and Theory. That book helped make Carl the most famous and respected psychologist in the world.  For Tom Gordon, the Gordon Model had its beginning in that chapter.

As Dr. Gordon advanced in his career, teaching and counseling clients, he implemented the Gordon Model.  When he found that the communication skills used by clinical psychologists were so effective in helping his clients to find their own solutions, he concluded that parents should be taught these skills to empower their children to become good problem-solvers.  He got lots of feedback on the amazing effectiveness of his kind of listening which he lated called “Active Listening” from an article written by a former student, Richard Farson.

Based on his work with Carl Rogers, his development of leadership training and his work with parents, in 1962 he outlined the Gordon Model for parents in  a course and book, Parent Effectiveness Training.

I was fortunate enough to stumble upon the first offering of that course in Buffalo, New York in 1970.   Helping parents apply democratic management and collaborative problem solving at home was revolutionary.  As Dr. Gordon went on to create Teacher Effectiveness Training  and Leader Effectiveness Training  more and more people have been able to put these concepts to work.

Today, the Gordon Model is being taught in more than 43 countries.

Upon completion of that first P.E.T. course, I was motivated to read everything I could get my hands on in the field of interpersonal communication and ultimately to earn a Ph.D. in communication.  I have always been grateful to have the Gordon Model as the foundation of my learning and continued work.  You’ll see the Gordon Model reflected in Communication Case Studies and in our Building Communication Skills game.

I was so glad I had a chance to tell Linda – and to tell you, through this blog.

If you’ve used the Gordon Model, we’d love to hear about it!  (www.ICSWorkplaceCommunication.com)

ICS WorkplaceCommunication, Carolyn Shadle, PhD, and John Meyer, PhD

Showing Appreciation with the Honest Scrap Award

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In a previous post, we’ve looked at Giving Honest and Sincere Appreciation and how it is essential in interpersonal communication.

In this post, i will be showing my appreciation to bloggers that have enriched my life in some way or another.

Better Interpersonal Communication

Talk in terms of the other person’s interests

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In Dale Carnegie’s international best seller, How to Win Friends and Influence People, we have seen how we can become more likable by Become Genuinely Interested in Other People.

In this post, we will build upon this post by exploring the aspect of talking in terms of the other person’s interests.

To be successful in relationships, a person will need to learn to talk in terms of the other person’s interests. This rule holds true in many instances from social situations where you are meeting someone for the very first time, to married couples.

We cannot achieve this if we have no idea what the other person truly values, cares about or is really interested in.

Let the other person do most of the talking by asking questions and them listening to them actively and connecting with them at the level of what they value. You should have a genuine interest in the other person. Then, and only then, can you sincerely talk in terms of the other person’s interest.

Similarly, this piece of advice even holds true when giving a speech: The speech isn’t about you. It isn’t even about your expertise. It’s about your audience and how they can benefit from what you say.

According to Howard Z. Herzig, a leader in the field of employee communications, talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off for both parties. When you take the time and effort to find out what interests the person you are speaking to, the reward will be an enlargement of your life each time you speak to someone.

You’ve probably heard of the Golden Rule, which is “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Why not apply this rule to the area of interpersonal communication? Author Tony Allesandra has come up with the Platinum Rule, which is “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” This is an important rule that can help guide the way in which you treat others.

This article is one of the six ways to make people like you as mentioned in Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you enjoyed this post, do bookmark this post or subscribe to this blog.

If you like this article, you might also enjoy

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Better Interpersonal Communication